Dear Solutions Lab,
I’m six months into my PhD and, if I’m being straight about it, I’m not sure I can see the next three or four years through.
I’ve got two young children, and we’re doing the usual juggle with nursery, school runs and last-minute illnesses. I’m on a hybrid pattern, which sounded ideal on paper, but in reality, it means I’m constantly switching roles – and not having time to do any one thing very well! I only seem to properly “work” once the kids are in bed, so most evenings I’m back at my laptop until gone 11pm.
I knew it would be hard. I’m not naïve about that. But I don’t think I appreciated how relentless it would feel. There are years of this ahead and that’s the bit that’s starting to get to me.
My partner also started a new job not long after I began, which has changed the dynamic more than we expected. They’re supportive, but they’re stretched too, and we don’t have much family nearby. It feels like we’re both just keeping plates spinning.Academically, I’m doing fine. My supervisors are positive. But I feel like I’m only just keeping my head above water by working late most nights, and I’m not sure that’s sustainable. I’m tired, a bit snappy, and starting to wonder whether this was the right decision at this stage of life.
Part of me is thinking about quitting. The other part feels like that would be letting people down. My supervisors. My funder. Myself. I worked hard to get here.
For those who’ve done a PhD with young children, or who’ve felt like this early on, does it get easier? Is this just the adjustment phase, or is it a sign that something needs to change? How do you make it sustainable without burning out or resenting the whole thing?