Blog – Productivity, Focus, and Parenthood

For those who have been following along with my blog series, you will know that I am now a good few months into my return to work following maternity leave. Despite the occasional hurdle, I would say I’ve found it quite easy to get back into the swing of things – and some weeks, I would even go so far as to say I’ve been really productive! But would I also say I’ve been focused? In this month’s blog, I’ll be considering my focus, and whether I’m really being effective at filtering out the noise.

Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in one of the Dementia Researcher Salons. The event was entitled ‘how to be a productive PhD student’, so I eagerly volunteered to perform the role of host, quipping that I could probably stand to learn a few things along the way. I value organisation, and I like to maximise my output as much as possible, so it seemed like a good event to get involved with. Obviously on the day things would not go to plan, as a few hours before the session was due to start, my childcare fell through. Cue a mad scramble, with me phoning my husband and messaging a couple of friends who live nearby, to see if anyone would be around to help out. An incredible friend of mine lives quite locally to us in London, and she volunteered to come over and effectively tag team managing my one-year-old, despite the fact that midway through the Salon, she was also due to deliver some online training for the charity she works for.

Thankfully, both events went ahead – without any surprise special guests – and despite my prior flippant remarks, I really did learn a thing or two. If this is a topic you’re interested in, I would really encourage you to check out the recording (and ignore my possibly slightly chaotic approach to facilitation!), as both guests shared some really great insights.

Productivity is something I have been thinking about a lot recently. Since my return to work there have been some weeks that have felt incredibly productive!

Others have been painful. I’ve been putting a lot of work into my systematic review recently, and a couple of weeks ago submitted the first draft of my chapter. While I was working on it, there were some days that flew by – I seemed to get the words out so easily. Other days, it was like pulling teeth. I can be quite self-critical, and spending hours in front of my computer trying to claw out a hundred words was truly painful.

That feeling of trying to force yourself into productivity – or into producing high quality work – when you’re hitting a brick wall is obviously extremely common when doing a PhD, or really any work that requires a lot of thought. But I do feel like parenthood exacerbates the issue. For me at least, I feel incredibly guilty if I’m not being productive, and it’s really difficult to give myself permission to take a break. The logical part of me knows that if I’m struggling, going for a coffee, or a run, or reading a book will definitely help – but that’s hard to justify when your childcare hours are limited, and you start thinking about your ‘wasted’ hours in terms of the hourly rate for your childcare provision. It seems so indulgent to take time to decompress, when that’s probably exactly what I need.

Someone commented recently on how productive I seem – particularly with all the extra little things I have going on. Things like this blog, tutoring on a couple of courses, or speaking at events within the university; little things that are good opportunities and make sense for my future career. But then there have been other little things, like doing a bit of freelance music stuff for a couple of churches – a throwback to my old career. Because while there’s the pressure to be productive with my PhD, there’s also the financial pressure that rumbles along in the background, and if someone offers me fifty or a hundred quid for a couple of hours work on a Wednesday afternoon or a Sunday morning, chances are I’m going to do it. A hundred quid is (almost) a day of childcare. How could I say no?

This brings me back to my original question – while I’ve been reasonably productive over the last few months, have I managed to stay focused? Has my productivity been directed appropriately? I already have enough competing demands for my attention, and perhaps adding in extra plates to spin is setting myself up for disaster. If I spend all my time on extracurricular activities, I am very unlikely to finish my PhD on time – which I need to do. The reality though, is that if I can’t afford to do my PhD, I won’t finish either. With all things, it’s going to have to be a balance.

Where does this leave me when I’m struggling with my productivity? My priority has to be my PhD, but that shouldn’t mean feeling guilty and effectively torturing myself into completing a task. That’s a surefire way to burn yourself out and begin to resent your work and your situation. Instead, I’m going to at least try to do what was recommended at the Dementia Researcher Salon: practise some self-care, take a break, allow myself to rest, and come back to it fresh. It’s about quality, rather than quantity, and I’m sure the reset will do me some good!

Emily Spencer

Author

Emily Spencer is a PhD Student at University College London looking at improving how GPs communicate with people with dementia and their family carers about their future care. Emily previous had a 5 year career break to pursue a career as a musician, and has previously undertaken research on improving the care people with dementia receive from their GP practice, as well as end-of-life and palliative care provision in the community. Emily is also a new mum and will be writing about her experiences navigating motherhood and a research career.

Follow @ejmspencer