Print This PostI’ve now been back from maternity leave for over a year, with my son’s second birthday not too far off. Over that year, there have been so many challenges to navigate that you can easily trick yourself into thinking that you’re heading into a period of plain sailing. Daily, it appears, I learn that that isn’t the case. In this month’s blog, the latest in my regular series on parenting and academia, I will be thinking about some of those new challenges – both at work and at home.
Starting with the latter, at home our main challenge right now is the pure physicality of our child. A few weeks ago, we had a near miss where he almost threw himself out of the cot, but was caught just in time. Given that it gave him a bit of a scare, we hoped it would put an end to any further testing of his physical limits. This morning, we weren’t so lucky, when we awoke to a thud at 5am, accompanied by a shout of “CUDDLE MAMA!”. We had been trying to avoid moving our 21-month-old to a proper bed, but it seems like now is the time if we want him to survive unscathed. My mornings will instead have to take the hit, when he inevitably turns up in my bed in the early hours to request that cuddle.
When I arrived at the childminder’s this morning, she remarked on how physical he is, and how he can access climbing equipment far beyond his age. This is something I’d experienced myself at the weekend, with him somehow scaling a massive rope ladder and ending up 6ft in the air. As much as the childminder thought that it’s amazing he’s such an adrenaline junkie, I wasn’t so sure.
At work, new challenges have likewise been presenting themselves. I have recently started in a new role, which I am undertaking alongside the final year of my PhD, which will provide an excellent opportunity to expand my skillset, navigate a slightly different area of dementia research, as well as build my network. While I’m pleased to say that things have been going well thus far, I have noticed that having a child does impact how I approach a new job. I just don’t have the flexibility that I used to have – particularly on days where I need to be responsible for both drop-off and pick-up, so have to keep to a strict schedule. Where I would love to accept invitations to have lunch with new colleagues, for example, sometimes this doesn’t feel feasible when I need to make sure I’m back on the other side of town by 5pm.
To be fair, the same is true for my PhD, even though on paper that does afford me more flexibility. However, I feel constantly aware of the need to make the best use of my time, which means my tolerance for activities I deem to be extracurricular can be quite low (and my definition of extracurricular quite wide-ranging). It feels difficult to attend a seminar when I could be completing a specific task, knowing that I only have a year left of funding, my hours can easily be encroached upon by my home life, not to mention additional responsibilities like tutoring or acting as a student rep. I just hate the idea of time that is so precious being wasted.
Alongside this, sometimes I do feel that having a very young child does set me apart from my peers. Unlike the other students in my cohort, I don’t have the ability to spontaneously go for a drink after work, and evening socials can feel quite costly. Attending a conference isn’t impossible, but it certainly takes a lot more planning and involves some degree of negotiation within our family.
Thinking about it now, I can absolutely see how those with children – particularly women or those with primary responsibility – would end up being disadvantaged in the workplace. It’s hard to put yourself forward for opportunities, or to make sure you’re building the networks or connections you need to when you have those extra plates to keep spinning. I would love to give an enthusiastic ‘yes’ when others make a request of my time, but sometimes that just isn’t possible. At this stage, I don’t know what the answer is – how to make my commitment to my work clear when I am not able to take up every opportunity afforded me, or to accept every invitation. For now, I have to hope that my work can speak for itself – even when I might not always have the freedom to be there to speak for it.
Emily Spencer
Author
Emily Spencer is a PhD Student at University College London looking at improving how GPs communicate with people with dementia and their family carers about their future care. Emily previous had a 5 year career break to pursue a career as a musician, and has previously undertaken research on improving the care people with dementia receive from their GP practice, as well as end-of-life and palliative care provision in the community. Emily is also a new mum and will be writing about her experiences navigating motherhood and a research career.
Rebecca Williams
Dementia Researcher
Nature Careers Blog
