Blog – How to be okay facing the unknown

As I write this blog, I have three-months left on my first postdoc contract. Having gone straight into this job before I’d even completed my PhD viva, I knew I wanted to take a break when I finished this position. Several months to go on an extended holiday, see some of the world and try to cleanse my mind of some of the chaos. But with time ticking down, every conversation I have has turned into questions about the future and I have a rising sense of unease in myself to come up with the answers. So, in this blog, I’m trying to tackle how to be comfortable with an unknown future.

My friends would describe me as a “type A” person. I’m always the one to plan the trip, reserve a table at the restaurant, and remember people’s birthdays. I thrive with a full colour-coded google calendar and can feel uneasy when I have no plans of a given weekend. This is also how I work, with many forms of to-do lists, daily, weekly and monthly plans. I think that many people working in academia can relate closely to this. However, when some uncertainty or unknown starts to approach, it can be difficult to be comfortable with this, even if it’s for a positive reason.

I have three-months left before I head out into the unknown. My vague plan is to take several months for travelling, and to look for a new postdoctoral position, potentially in a new city, during my travels or closer to my return. Beyond this, most specific points remain a question mark, including the what and the where when it comes to a future job. Because my colleagues, friends and family are aware of this big upcoming life change, on a daily basis, my conversations are centred around questions of “when will you come back?”, “do you have a job lined up on your return?”, “Will you move back to London?” or a combination and even more. Although this can be exciting to talk about others’ experience in their backpacking adventures, when the conversation turns to what happens when I’m back, I have a looming sense of dread about the disorganised nature of my future. I do not resent anyone for asking these questions, it’s a natural conversation topic when someone has big life changes coming up. But it is confronting, nonetheless.

I actively decided to take this break, and to specifically not have any exact plan for after my trip. I am so very excited about it and know that I am incredibly privileged to be able to take some time off working. Despite making this decision, it goes against my nature to be comfortable with the unknown.

Confronting the unknown daily is quite frankly, stressful.

But thinking about this for my situation has led me back to understanding how common this feeling is for those in academic careers, particularly for early career researchers. An industry fuelled on fixed term contracts and long waits to hear back on grant outcomes, job instability is rife. With drastic reform to academia not currently on the horizon, to survive as a researcher, one must be able to cope with this instability and future uncertainty.

Some things that are helping me now, are to understand the state of the current job market, so I have some idea of what I’ll be facing when I return. Talking to people who have taken short or long career breaks has also been helpful. I have also been aiming to lock in some achievements before my departure, prioritising work that will be good for my CV and job search too. But overall, it is hard to face the uneasy feeling. For those waiting to hear back on job, fellowship or grant applications leaving your career path ahead unclear, I do not envy you (and will soon join you)!

This has been a more personal rambling blog, but I think that talking about uncertainty is important. And if you have any tips and experiences for accepting the unknowns when it comes to change, send them my way!

Dr Clíona Farrell

Author

Dr Clíona Farrell is a Postdoctoral Researcher in the UK Dementia Research Institute at University College London. Her work focuses on understanding neuroinflammation in Down syndrome, both prior to, and in response to, Alzheimer’s disease pathology. Originally from Dublin, Ireland, Clíona completed her undergraduate degree in Neuroscience in Trinity College, and then worked as a research assistant in the Royal College of Surgeons studying ALS and Parkinson’s disease. She also knows the secret behind scopping the perfect 99 ice-cream cone.

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